


Hurt

by honeycomb95



Series: Sylvix Week 2019 [6]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Blue Lions Route, Drabble, Firsts, Freeform, Hurt No Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Never Beta Read, No happy ending this time, Sylvain is a ho, Sylvix Week 2019, felix is in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-23 18:31:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21085895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeycomb95/pseuds/honeycomb95
Summary: The first time Felix had fallen in love, he'd been on the cusp of seventeen years old. He certainly never anticipated that the person he'd fall head-over-heels for would be Sylvain Jose 'Womanizer Is My Other Middle Name' Gautier.Written for Sylvix week. Day 6: Fake Relationship /Firsts/ Tea Time





	Hurt

The first time he faced death's icy grip, Felix had been no more than six years old. Carelessly playing on the edge of his family's estate with the reckless abandon that only a child was capable of. A fresh glittering of frost layered atop the frozen lake had given the surface a deceptive depth as he'd trundled across it in his snow boots, absent-minded in his pursuit of a hot lunch. Had he been slightly older or wiser he'd likely have thought to look for cracks in the hard floe, but being just six years old (and also rather naïve) he'd seen no cause for concern as he played.

So when the seemingly-solid ground gave way underneath him, it was with a slow-motion clarity that the icy tendrils of sub-zero water had started to wrap around him: surrounding his legs, circling his torso, invading his lungs. The panic was automatic as he floundered beneath the ice, struggling desperately to backtrack to the surface as his lungs screamed at him for air.

Accepting that death was approaching should have been beyond the emotional capabilities of a child, it should have been a concept that was impossible for him to grasp but Felix knew. He knew with an eerie clarity the second his vision started to narrow that there was no point in continuing to struggle. His fight had been extinguished both literally and figuratively as his tiny, numb form had started to sink into the depths.

So naturally, he wasn't expecting the bright light of the surface to invade his eyes with its needle-like sting again. Neither was he expecting the gasping, the coughing or the _burning_ in his lungs as he expelled water in favour of much-needed air. The hazy figure that loomed over him was surely his father, drenched from the waist up due to plucking his youngest from the jaws of death itself. He was _really_ in for it this time. But something wasn't right; even as Felix tried his best to force his brain to comply in its water-logged stupor something _still_ wasn't quite adding up. The copper hair that gleaned in the midday sun was all wrong. Sylvain was talking to him, he was sure of it. As he began to lose consciousness in the fresh powdered snow he found himself thinking how odd it was that his mouth should make all the right shapes and not a single sound be heard.

The first time Felix had fallen in love, he'd been on the cusp of seventeen years old. He'd been focused on his academy studies and mastering the sword when life had hit him in the face with a proverbial curveball. It was an unusual situation surely, as even in his disinterest he'd always figured love was something you actively sought out; not something that crept into your gut uninvited and tugged at your core with a vengeance. He'd scarcely permitted his imagination to waste time on things like marriage and romance, but in the few times he'd done so he certainly never anticipated that the person he'd fall head-over-heels for would be Sylvain Jose 'Womanizer Is My Other Middle Name' Gautier. It made him sick to think about it; that fate would be so cruel as to force on him a love that he did not want nor need, just for it to be destined to shrivel back into obscurity inside of Felix's equally shrivelled heart. What a joke. What an absolute _riot. _Honestly, he'd have laughed if he wasn't so sure that he'd cry.

The first time Felix's heart threatened to break free of his chest, he'd been a little over seventeen years old. He'd been trying (with little success) to focus on an upcoming reason assignment as they'd studied together in Sylvain's dorm room. Now, at this point, Felix was entirely convinced of two things: the first was that he was _furious _at the way his thundering heart rate betrayed him; the second being that in their cramped proximity there was no way in hell Sylvain could have missed it. There was no way around it; what could he possibly say if Sylvain asked? _'What? No, I'm not hopelessly in love with you, you asshole. It's just that Thoron _really_ gets my rocks off'_?

As it turns out, being knee-deep in formulating excuses is a pretty solid distraction. So it was hardly a shocker that he missed Sylvain slowly putting his quill down. He didn't hear the rustle of papers being shifted out of the way either, and he certainly didn't pick up on the heat of elder leaning forward until their noses almost touched. What did surprise him, however, was the soothing warmth and impossible softness of Sylvain's lips as he'd pressed them gently against his own.

The first time Felix had his heart broken, he'd been just shy of eighteen years old. It was to be expected really, when the object of your affections sees literally _everyone else_ as an object of affection. He wasn't sure why he'd thought himself an exception to Sylvain's philandering ways, but he was aware that in his heart he'd clung to the tiny hope that the older would consider him special – even if solely because Felix was the only male lover the redhead had taken.

As luck would have it, he'd been spectacularly wrong on that front too. When returning a whetstone borrowed from Sylvain had resulted in Felix walking into his room without knocking, he'd gotten a very clear – and _excruciatingly_ _detailed – _look at just how ridiculously mistaken he'd been. It had taken Sylvain a minute to chase after him (dressing just enough to pretend he had _some _semblance of decency) but Felix hadn't gotten very far. It took him less than a second to reject the hand Sylvain reached out for him, the audible slap resounding through the darkened corridor of the second-floor dorms.

“_Don't.” _his voice had shaken but his hands were steady as he'd held them out like a make-shift shield between them. _“Don't touch me. I don't know what I expected from this- from you.” _The tears that threatened to spill over had stung his eyes and he wiped his face roughly in frustration. _“If you've got- whoever the fuck _he_ is, then you don't need me anymore, right?”_ His eyes had cast to the floor as he backed away, each step taken slightly surer than the last. _“We were just hooking up, just having fun. No strings attached, no stupid-”_ he chokes _“-emotions.” _He can't stand it anymore at this point, instead fleeing down the cold stone steps of the staircase before he loses his cool entirely.

When Felix is not _quite_ eighteen years old, he chose to let the love of his life become the one that got away.

**Author's Note:**

> fuck happy endings, amirite?


End file.
